So, this is going to be pretty personal today; but I really wanted to share this as it is a huge part of life right now.
A couple weeks ago, as I was actually logging into an account online, one of my favorite quotes from a book was brought back to my attention... "Life is an adventure to live and not a problem to be solved." It is from the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge which I highly recommend for anyone who is a man or married to a man, has a father, son, brother or just knows a guy! That is totally off subject, though. The point of all this is that seeing that quote again started to make me think... a lot. I started to really examine how I am living my life and specifically how I have been viewing Judah and how I "deal" with his Asperger's. After all the thinking and praying I realized something and I didn't like it very much. I have been looking at his Asperger's a lot of the time (not always, but most of the time) as a problem to solve and conquer and, as much as I hate to admit this, I have at times looked at him as a "problem to solve". It broke my heart when I realized it and I felt like I have failed him in some way. I realized that although I have been saying that we are on the adventure of life with Asperger's, I haven't really been living it. Since recognizing that there was something different about him I had made it my quest, so to speak, to find ways to "help him". Don't get me wrong; I whole heartedly believe that therapy and diet are essential for him; but the attitude I had about it was wrong. I was more focused on fixing him than just being his mom and didn't even realize it. I was missing out on so many of the special things that make him Judah in my quest to help him be "normal". I was so busy trying to get refferals, set up appointments and read food labels that I wasn't taking the time to laugh at his jokes that don't make sense, listen to his endless animal facts or just watch him experience life in a way that I never will. Even now as I type this I have tears in my eyes because I feel like I have missed so much in the past year and I was right there with him the whole time. I just wasn't looking at it the way I should have.
As a result of this epiphany things have changed around here, as you can imagine. There are definitely still the frustrating days and things happen that drive me crazy, but that is just life with kids. haha However, for what seems like the first time since all of this began, I have seen things in my precious boy that I never have before. One of the new things that I have recently noticed is that, for whatever reason, he makes the weirdest face and moves his mouth back and forth while he drinks from a straw. It is hilarious to watch! Small things that this are what I was too busy to notice before, but am loving now. I am so grateful that God brought that one simple quote back to my attention, even if it was just so I could see how entertaining it is to watch Judah drink from a straw. All too often I get caught up in the stuff and forget about the joy that the stuff can bring. I'm sure it will be something I will have to keep in check for years to come, if not my whole life, but for now we really are living this adventure and not trying to just solve it.
On that note... What adventure are you missing out on?
