Well, whether I was ready or not, the first day of Kindergarten has arrived and is in full swing. I wasn't so sure we would make it to this day a couple weeks ago. Well, I questioned more if Judah was going to make it to today! haha In the past few weeks we have experienced all of the joys of Asperger's anxiety to the fullest. Judah has been chewing on everything he could get his hands on, fluctuating between constipation and diarrhea (mostly on the diarrhea side), complaining of regular stomach aches, constantly talking (most of which was random ramblings), been completely unaware of anyone and anything around him, constantly moving (aimlessly most of the time), stemming on anything and everything he could touch and having regular bathroom accidents. To say the least, I've been one tired momma on the brink of my own meltdown! haha
To prepare for today we went to Loge Elementary (Judah's new school) on a couple different days and gave him time to look around the room, talk with his teacher and walk the halls without all of the other kids there. I also had a "conference" on Monday of this week to talk over all possible scenarios we could think of and go over all of Judah's specific needs. I am so happy to say that his teacher seems great and I think she will be a perfect fit for him. She seems to be very organized, structured and consistent with the guidelines and boundaries set in the classroom, which are all things he thrives with. He told me last night that he is going to like being in her class because she is very nice. I can't even express how glad I was to hear him say that and know that he was actually looking forward to starting school in spite of all of the anxiety he has been dealing with. His teacher was also more than eager to let us bring in a small box to keep on her desk for Judah's "comforts" (chew toys, a coozie ball, silicone bracelets, a small piece of his blankie and a few small stuffed toys that he can stem with and rub to ease his anxiety. All in all, I have been so pleased with the school and their willingness to meet Judah's needs so far.
I have to admit that I did get a little choked up as I labeled and packed all of his school supplies and packed his lunch yesterday afternoon. I have packed supplies in his backpack for the past 3 years for preschool, but this time was so different for me. I think it finally hit me that he isn't my baby anymore, but is growing into his own independent person. The realization that he will be away from me for a little over 6 1/2 hrs. 5 days a week is finally hitting me and I'm just not sure I like it very much. I know there are definite perks to this stage and one is that I will be able to accomplish so much more during the day now that I don't have to fill me day with repeating his name 50 times every time I try to get his attention and reminding him to do something every 5 minutes or less. haha At the same time, I love my boy and as a mom want him with me every minute. Having to assist him in daily tasks and remind him to look people in the eye, explain emotion to him and repeat his name 50 times is all I have known for the past 5 1/2 years and I am honestly going to miss that, as weird as it sounds. It is such a huge mixture of emotions! They, whoever "they" are, weren't kidding when they said parenting is the hardest and most rewarding job you will ever have!
This morning as we got ready, I did fine and didn't even get choked up taking before school pictures and getting the kids in the van. I even did fine walking him into his class, getting his name tag and getting him settled at a desk. He did great too. There was a little hesitation and he started back stepping until he was against Larry as we walked in the door and his teacher bent down to say hello, but we were able to quickly distract him by taking him over to find his name tag. He was very quiet and just seemed to be taking it all in and observing everyone in the room, which is a much better option than the possible meltdown we could have had. He was even fine when we kissed him goodbye and walked out. He did make sure to tell me that he was okay because Mrs. Saltzman (the director from his preschool) was in the room too :) Larry and I did good too. I got a little choked up walking out, but didn't shed any tears and was pretty proud of myself. Then I got to work and decided to uplaod all of this morning's pictures to facebook. That wasn't sure a good move. The pictures triggered the tears and it was all she wrote from then on. I have since recomposed myself and seem to be doing ok now. I have teared up a couple times writing this, but can compose myself pretty quickly. I think I will actually be able to make it to 2:50 now.
I am so looking forward to picking him up in just 3 1/2 hours and hearing all about his day and how it went. I am taking it as a good sign that I haven't had any calls from the school yet and hoping that he is having a great time in his new big boy world. I am so proud of the person he has and is becoming and, although it will be hard for me, can't wait to help him prepare for many new journeys in his life!
