For those of us in the Autism community, however, it has been a very different experience all together! It didn't take long for speculations to come out of the media as to why the shooter (I prefer not to acknowledge him by name) would have done such a horrific and vicious thing. Some made sense and some were simply made out of ignorant assumption. That is where the tie to ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) families came in. Sadly, one of the first things that people ran with was the possibility that he had Asperger's Syndrom. For a lot of the country it was the first time they had ever heard the word Asperger's and immediately began associating it with violence and horrific crimes. The theater shooter in Aurora, CO was also suspected of having Asperger's, which made this even more devastating to the ASD community. As I read through media posts over the past week my heart was broken as I read comments by people saying that the only reason this happened was because he had Asperger's or that he did it because he was Autistic. Then I began reading posts by parents who's children are on the spectrum and were being bullied even more because of their ASD or siblings who were being questioned if their brother or sister were going to kill everyone and on and on. When I read the news and watched the footage of last week's attack at Sandy Hook all I could do was sit and cry because of the loss of so many innocent lives who were cut so short and for what their parents were going to go through. It was close to home. My own son at that very same time was sitting in his Kindergarten classroom oblivious to the horror going on in CT. My heart broke. Then a different kind of heartache came.
I have always known and, as best as I can, tried to prepare myself for the inevitable speculations and bullying that Judah will most likely face one day. I have, on more occasions than I like, had to face people who were ignorant to what Autism is and why my son if the way he is; but never before had it ever crossed my mind that people would one day worry that my child would be capable of committing horrific crimes because of his ASD! This week, I was made more aware than ever before of how little education there has been for the general public on ASDs and how they impact the lives of those that live with it. Yes, Judah has meltdowns. Yes, some of them can be "violent". Yes, he has a hard time expressing and reciprocating proper emotion to those around him. And, yes, he has a hard time understanding that his actions can cause others physical pain. It is all part of his ASD and will be a part of his entire life. It's just the way his brain is wired. However, he is not SICK! ASD is a neurological difference and not an illness. There is no cure and there isn't a specific known cause. There are theories, but nothing definite that causes ASD. Medication can't change the way his brain in wired or the way he processes the things around him. When he does have a "violent" meltdown, it is not because he wants to hurt anyone around him nor is it premeditated. It is because he is terrified of what is going on around him and doesn't know how to respond to it. It is always out of spontaneous raw emotion and a defensive reaction to the changes around him. Judah is 100% incapable of premeditating any kind of violence against anyone. When he does accidentally hurt someone with his actions, he is devastated - usually to the point of tears and hiding! Not long ago his teacher and I had to have a long talk with him because he was playing too rough with one of the other boys in his class pretty frequently and hurting him. Judah was devastated when he realized he was hurting his friend and so embarrassed about it. He even insisted on taking him small gifts and pieces of candy for a week to make up for it. Judah is one of the most loving and caring people I've ever known. He doesn't always know how to put that into words or proper actions, but he deeply and wholly cares for the people in his life and is completely incapable or premeditating a violent act. He is even compassionate to strangers around him and frequently offers to give his own belongings to those in need or offers to help others when he realizes they are in need. He not only isn't able to fathom hurting those around him, but it would be so far out of his routine and schedule that he couldn't handle it.
Larry and I made a point to not expose our kids to any of last week's events and to shield them from the horror that occurred. There was no need for them to know at such a young age or to cause any anxiety for them concerning school, especially Judah. As far as I know, they know nothing about it and we would like to keep it that was until they are much older. With that said, as the mom of an ASD child it is now a huge fear that Judah will one day be associated with a mass murderer simply because they possibly share the same diagnosis. As a parent, that breaks my heart more than words can express. Any parent can tell you that they want to protect their children at all costs and want to shield them from any form of torment or harassment in their lives, however, this week I realized I may not be able to do that forever. We have always been very open about Judah's diagnosis and most kids at his school know that he has Asperger's. Our hope was to educate people in our community about what ASD is and how to interact with those with it and also that even though Judah is Autistic, he is still a normal kid like everyone else. He just has to wear tagless clothes, eat one food at a time (and they can't touch), chews of teething rings when he is nervous, hates trying new things and has to religiously live by a routine :)
I guess when it comes down to it, the reason I felt compelled to write this post isn't because I think any of you reading it would think Judah was capable or doing horrible things but because we need your help. I am only one mom and can only educate so many people on my own. The fact is that last week's shooter may actually have had Asperger's, but that wouldn't cause him to commit such a horrible crime. Statistics have consistently shown that people with ASD are 50% more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than non-ASD people and that much less likely to commit a crime than the general population. Two of the most compelling things I saw this week were Youtube videos posted by 2 people with ASD and their plea for people to not see them differently because of their ASD. I have to admit that I cried through them because I knew that one day my own son may have to make that same plea if things don't change. 
What I ask of you is that you share our story with others, that you inform people about how caring, intelligent and amazing Judah and others with ASD are and that you stand up for my son. I read one story this week of a 12 yr. old boy that stood up in the middle of his school assembly and defended the ASD community to another boy who stated that last week's events happened because of Autism. He is a very shy and quiet 12 yr. old and his mother stated that it was VERY out of his nature to do something like that; but he did because his 10 yr old brother has a sever form of Autism and he stood up for his brother. That boy is my hero! He stood up for his brother, who can't even speak for himself. He stood up and educated an entire middle school on what ASD is and how it affects their lives. He inspired me to do the same. I'm not in the middle of a gym, but this is my way of standing up for my son, for my friends' kids and for so many other who can't do it for themselves. Will you stand with me?Here are two great videos from this week...
My name is David: http://youtu.be/C_O0vRTkaaY
I have Autism, please don't fear me: http://youtu.be/VQIQkdo381A
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